Human Dog Machine - Suburban America 1985

                                         Human God Machine (Demo 1985) Cassette tape cover

I woke up today thinking about past 4th of July celebrations I was a part of when I was a child. The fireworks, the BBQ's, junk food like that red white and blue candy popcorn brick (anyone remember what that was called?), Family and Friends at the community pool. On the surface, a normal middle class suburban life. Under it was constant financial problems, alcohol abuse, constant stress and negativity. 

The weight of American life, dysfunctional capitalism and years of Generational trauma swept under the rug all to serve the illusion of the American dream. 

This is a nation built on slavery and the genocide of indigenous people. Built on foreign wars and parents sending their children to fight and die. Built on excess under the guise of freedom and prosperity. I see the extreme polarity. The rich and the poor live in completely separate worlds here.

But I also have to live in reality. I am extremely grateful for what I have. An amazing Wife, a House, running water and food. A hospital down the street. I don't take it for granted. Ever. I often think of the children who go hungry. People who don't receive any love. People who are hurt and abused. People who are addicted to substances. People who have NOTHING and have to live degradingly on the streets. I think of the massive suffering on this planet. It breaks my fucking heart. And I have the audacity to sit here and complain about my problems sometimes? Perspective is a bitch.

I worked at grocery stores for nearly 15 years. It was my first job right out of high school. I watched people endlessly complain about food: "YOU DON'T HAVE THE KIND OF MAYONAIISE I WANT GET ME A MANAGER" or "OH YOU DON'T HAVE THE TYPE OF BREAD I WANT GUESS IM GOING HUNGRY TODAY!". The fucking audacity to say you going to "go hungry" because I don't have a Dutch crunch bread roll is so goddamn asinine. Those pricks tested my goodwill and patience MANY times. 

It was an early eye opener but it beat the shit out of me. When you are in food service where you have to deal with customers it can make a person so cynical and pessimistic. You see the absolute worst people this country has to offer in real time. It broke me having to be nice to people who didn't deserve it. 

We have to come back to perspective. This control system beats down people so bad that anything, including readily available food, becomes a problem. Long working hours and the constant worry of finances breaks people in this country. It's slavery that deceives you into thinking you are not a slave. People will destroy their lives, families and straight up end a life all for the dollar. Anything that can bring that out of a human being is inherently evil. Money is evil. This system is evil. The system is a Molech that demands us to sacrifice our lives to it.

But I have benefited from it. I have the comforts. I have the house with the front yard. I have the amenities in my city. I don't have to worry about starving or having a roof over my head.

But I also sacrificed the well being of body for it. The years of having to ignore my diabetes to grind it out at work, the insanely long hours, I got employee of the month and year multiple times. I sacrificed my health to function in this system. I deprived my body of the care it needed because I was too busy running around the fucking grocery store. I killed my dream of being of going on tour in a band because I was stuck working long hours so I could qualify for useless health insurance. I have absolute nothing to show for my 15 year career except for diabetic complications. 

And at 35 I'm too young too qualify for help from the system I paid THOUSANDS into. 

Two years ago I believe I was very close to death. I was close to being that sacrifice. Another statistic in the thousands of yearly chronic illness deaths. 

"Well he should have just taken care of his Diabetes better, that's a shame".

Fuck you. 

I don't live for your system and its going to take a hell of a lot kill me. 

Happy 4th of July. Don't burn the burgers on the grill.